i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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