I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
