dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
