She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
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