I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
