Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
