The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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