Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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