yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
