I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
