if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
COCAINE IS GR8
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
