Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize