this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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