be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
