god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
