i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
