Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
