dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Randomize