I wanna bring you to show and tell
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
