my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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