I only kidnapped one of them. chill
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
