im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
