yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
