I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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