Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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