You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize