brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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