i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
