belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
