I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
