is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
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