Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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