I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
