I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
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