I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
