i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
