I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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