Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Randomize
