Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Couch. On fire.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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