false alarm. still invincible.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
