Pants 0. Shit 1.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Randomize