Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
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