i think my tv is drunk
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
