he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
