and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
