Me. At least after what I've been through.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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