two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
