this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
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