i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
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