16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
