Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
