ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
