Quick, to the slutcave!
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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