people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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