i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
