I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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