What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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