YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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