Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
