I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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