Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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