Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
