I think my vagina is haunted
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
