Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
