Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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