my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
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