Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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