We won't sleep together?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
