as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
this is an emotional support booty call
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize