ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
