I will die if light touches me.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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