I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
