Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
