who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
