Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
