Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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