About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
